I've been to probably 30+ networking events in SF over the past year. Tech meetups, founder dinners, demo nights, startup mixers.
And I've noticed a pattern: the people who show up most consistently are the ones building least consistently.
Networking events have become procrastination disguised as productivity. You can spend an entire evening "working on your startup" by just talking to people about working on your startup.
The networking theater
Here's what actually happens at these events:
6:30 PM: Arrive. Scan room for "important" looking people.
6:35 PM: Someone approaches. Exchange pleasantries. "What are you working on?"
6:40 PM: You pitch. They nod. "That's interesting."
6:42 PM: They pitch. You nod. "That's interesting."
6:45 PM: Exchange LinkedIn. "Let's keep in touch."
6:46 PM: Never speak again.
Repeat this 10 times. Go home feeling "productive." Post on LinkedIn about great conversations. Wake up the next day having built nothing.
The diminishing returns
First networking event: legitimately useful. You meet some people, get a sense of the ecosystem, maybe make one real connection.
Tenth networking event: you're seeing the same people, having the same conversations, collecting the same LinkedIn connections that go nowhere.
But people keep showing up because it feels like work. You're out of the house. You're talking about your startup. You're "making connections." All the aesthetics of productivity with none of the actual building.
Meanwhile, the founders who are actually winning? They're not at events. They're shipping.
The types who show up regularly
After 30+ events, I can predict who I'll see:
The Serial Networker: Shows up to everything. Knows everyone. Building nothing. This is their full-time job—being "plugged in" to the ecosystem.
The Idea Guy: Has a new startup idea every month. Wants to "validate" it by pitching to strangers who are too polite to tell him it's bad.
The Looking-to-Pivot: Currently employed, thinking about starting something, using events to "explore" without commitment.
The Actually Building (rare): Shows up once, realizes it's mostly theater, never comes back.
You know who I almost never see? Founders who are actually gaining traction. They're too busy dealing with customers, fixing bugs, shipping features.
Why it's addictive
Networking events are addictive because they provide:
1. Social validation. People listen to your pitch. They say encouraging things. You feel important.
2. Legitimacy. You're "in the ecosystem." You know the right people. You're a real founder now.
3. Excuses. You spent three hours "working on your startup" without shipping anything.
4. Procrastination. You can delay actually building by convincing yourself you need more connections first.
It's the perfect productivity trap. You're doing something startup-related, just not the thing that actually matters (building).
When networking actually works
I'm not saying all networking is useless. There are specific situations where meeting people matters:
You need to hire and you're recruiting
You need to fundraise and you're meeting investors
You need specific expertise and you're looking for advisors
You need customers and your customers attend these events
But most networking events don't have your customers. They have other founders who are also procrastinating.
And the "just in case" networking—collecting connections because "you never know"—is mostly waste. Most connections deteriorate to nothing. The ones that matter usually come from actually building something impressive, not from small talk at a meetup.
What actually works better
Want to build a network? Here's what works:
Ship something public. People reach out when you build something interesting.
Help specific people. Deep relationships with 5 people beat shallow relationships with 500.
Join communities with skin in the game. Founder group chats, accelerators, actual teams building together.
Go where your customers are. If you're building B2B SaaS for marketers, go to marketing events, not founder events.
I've gotten more valuable connections from building in public and sharing progress than from all my networking events combined.
The connections that actually matter found me because I was doing something worth noticing, not because I showed up to a mixer and collected their LinkedIn.
The honest assessment
After a year of events, here's what I got:
A few real relationships (could count on one hand)
Dozens of LinkedIn connections that went nowhere
Some general ecosystem knowledge
A lot of evenings I could have spent building
Was it worth it? Honestly, probably not. The 2-3 real connections I made could have been formed other ways. The rest was just... filling time.
If I could do it again, I'd go to maybe 5 events total, be way more selective about who I talk to, and spend the rest of that time shipping.
The brutal question
If networking events disappeared tomorrow, would your startup progress slow down?
If yes, you might actually be meeting customers or investors or key hires.
If no, you're just procrastinating in public.
Most founders can't honestly say networking events are critical to their progress. But they keep going because it feels like the thing founders are supposed to do.
Real founders are too busy building to show up consistently. They're the ones you don't see at every event.
— Arjun